(Because I don't know when I will gather time to write the post I've had in mind about women, Yeats, and Memoirs of a Geisha.)
Sunday Meditation
Laud love's last work--
cross-crushed king cast
low, lately come and
quickly coming, crowned
conqueror. Long labors
laid by in lasting keep
of quickened creatures
let loose to love's labors laud.
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Good job on mixing important and unimportant words into the alliteration. "Laud" is rather archaic, and the syntax gets off on the wrong foot. But, you handle the contrasts between the hard Cs and softer Ls pretty well. Only "low, lately" seem to slow the pace at the wrong point. Make sure that you use the type of sounds to convey the intended meaning.
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